Close your eyes and visualise the person who has hurt you or someone you have several negative thoughts and feelings towards. Think of an event that evoked such negativity. Close your eyes and visualise that event in detail. Move to that situation mentally and reflect on what aspects of that person hurt you in that scenario. Was it the words they used? Was it their body language? Was it the tone of their voice? Was it their attitude? What aspect of the person in that situation hurt you?
How much of it has to do with your appraisal of the event?
How much is it to do with past events harbouring in your mind?
Now reflect on the negativity of the person who has hurt you. What sort of thoughts does it evoke?
What sort of emotions does it evoke?
Can you feel any bodily reactions to that person? Is it becoming tearful or having butterflies in your tummy?
Can you let those feelings go?
Imagine those feelings to be waves touching the shore and receding away… Process those emotions by letting them go.
Can you think of ONE positive quality of THAT person you appreciate or are thankful for?
What is that?
Can you think of an example of an event that made you feel and appreciate this positive quality of that person?
Can you thank them in your mind and stay with the pleasantness of that positive quality for sometime?
Now, close your eyes for a few minutes and concentrate on your breath. Let your breath move in and out of your body at its own pace. Do not try to change the pattern of breathing. Stay like that for a few seconds. Now, think of the person you have to forgive. Visualise this person standing in front of you. You are also standing face-to-face with this person. You are facing each other and standing quietly, looking at each other. Now, tune into the emotions felt. Are you feeling angry? Guilty? Sad? Irritable? Helpless?
Note the emotion without judgement. Now imagine that person talking to you.
They talk to you and explain purely from their point of view WHY they did what they did to hurt you. It may be unfair and very distressing. But they are trying to explain from their perspective. Can you now imagine WHAT they would say as to WHY they hurt you in a particular situation when they did?
Can you accept this explanation? If not, that’s OK. You are now trying to forgive them by understanding their point of view. If you cannot accept their explanation, that’s fine. However, this exercise is intended to bring closure to the event. Set them free and let them go.
Now imagine that you are talking to them and saying that you may not accept their explanation but understand that they have an angle here. You aim not to reconstruct the relationship but to amicably disentangle and let go.
Now, you both accept that you will not destroy each other’s peace anymore and are waving goodbye. You are setting the person free from your mind. Imagine a metaphor of setting a bird free from a cage. Now YOU feel lighter and more peaceful. You have at last forgiven this individual.
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