An essential component of positive psychology is self-compassion. Think about how many times you are hard on yourself. At the same time, you can forgive other’s mistakes easily. Why is this? Why do you have stricter standards for yourself and kinder standards towards others? Compassion is being empathetic and warm. For example, if there is a dog on a hot day and you offer it a bowl of water, you are empathising with the dog’s thirst and being compassionate about it. However, people are not empathetic towards THEMSELVES. This is a massive abuse that one can inflict on oneself. Practising self-compassion regularly will make your journey towards a positive psychological mindset easy.
Self-compassion has three components: Self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Self-kindness means being warm, nurturing, soothing, and looking after one’s needs. Common humanity means accepting one’s mistakes and forgiving oneself. Mindfulness is about non-judgemental acceptance of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours.
The first exercise is self-kindness:
Sit or lie quietly, close your eyes, and take a few deep breaths. Note the first few negative thoughts that arise about yourself. Now consider what you would say to a friend who comes up with such negative comments about themselves. Would you be harsh to them or say soothing words? Now, picture yourself in front of your mind. Can you repeat those kind words to yourself? It may seem unacceptable initially, but it will feel natural as you start becoming kind to yourself.
Think about a positive quality about yourself and an example to go with it. You can voice out a few kind compliments about that quality. For example., you can consider yourself to be a hard-working or a straightforward person. Think of examples of that and say a few words of kindness. Act like a lawyer to argue against any unkind thoughts that might pop into your head about yourself. Next, think about a compliment that someone has given you recently. How did you receive it? Did you brush it aside or say you don’t believe it? Can you recollect that moment? Now, tell yourself that you do deserve the compliment.
Stay for a few moments, enjoying the compliment and how it makes you feel. Next, think about something that you can do today to nurture yourself. It can be about buying your favourite shoes that you have been putting off. It could be about taking a couple of hours of “me” time to read a book, listen to music or watch a favourite TV show. You can treat yourself to a coffee outside, a long drive, or a holiday alone. You would always consider putting yourself first in your list of priorities and pampering yourself.
You let go of any harsh thoughts about you and replace them with kind words. More and more of the practice of self-kindness will make it a natural habit and contribute significantly to improving your mental wellness. In blog 2, we will discuss the second aspect of self-compassion, common humanity.
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