Experiential Avoidance means avoiding or getting rid of painful thoughts, feelings, or memories, even when doing so makes life worse.
Instead of facing discomfort, you run from it, numb it, or distract yourself—but this often leads to more problems in the long run.You feel anxious, so you skip a class or meeting.You feel sad, so you binge-watch TV all day.You feel shame, so you lie or hide the truth.You fear failure, so you don’t even try.
Experiential avoidance is a central concept in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a modern behavioural approach that blends mindfulness and behaviour change strategies. At its core, experiential avoidance refers to the tendency to evade or escape from unpleasant internal experiences, such as thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, and memories, even when doing so causes long-term harm or contradicts personal values.
We all experience discomfort. Fear, shame, sadness, anger, guilt—these emotions are part of being human. However, the way we relate to these emotions can make a significant difference in our mental well-being. Experiential avoidance occurs when we go to great lengths to suppress or avoid these experiences. For example, someone who feels social anxiety might avoid social situations altogether. A person grieving a loss might throw themselves into work to distract from emotional pain. Another might overeat, scroll endlessly through social media, or use substances to escape difficult emotions.
While these avoidance strategies may offer temporary relief, they often reinforce the belief that these internal experiences are dangerous or unbearable. Over time, this pattern can narrow a person’s life and disconnect them from what matters most. Instead of engaging with life fully and authentically, they become stuck in a cycle of trying to control or eliminate discomfort, often at the cost of valued living.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) challenges this cycle. Rather than focusing on eliminating painful thoughts or feelings, ACT helps individuals learn to accept them as part of the human experience. The goal is not to suffer less but to suffer less about suffering. This shift begins by recognising that control is often the problem, not the solution.
ACT proposes six core processes that foster psychological flexibility, and experiential avoidance is the opposite of one of them: acceptance. Acceptance in ACT is an active, open attitude toward inner experiences. It means making room for uncomfortable thoughts and feelings instead of pushing them away. This doesn’t mean resignation or passivity. Instead, it is about allowing internal experiences to come and go without being dominated by them.
For instance, a person who experiences chronic pain might use acceptance to acknowledge the presence of pain without allowing it to dictate every decision. Instead of avoiding physical activity out of fear, they may gradually re-engage in activities that bring joy and meaning. This is not easy—it takes practice, courage, and support—but it can lead to a life that feels more expansive and authentic.
Mindfulness skills play a crucial role in this process. By observing thoughts and emotions non judgmentally, individuals can disengage from the struggle to eliminate or suppress them. They begin to notice that thoughts are just thoughts—not commands or truths—and that emotions are temporary and tolerable, no matter how intense.
Another vital part of working with experiential avoidance in ACT is clarifying values. When people become fused with painful internal experiences, they often lose touch with what matters. ACT encourages people to identify their core values—what kind of person they want to be, what matters to them—and to use those values as a compass for action, even when it’s hard.
This leads to committed action: taking steps toward values, even in discomfort. When individuals shift their focus from controlling their feelings to choosing how they live, they often find greater meaning, vitality, and resilience.
Experiential avoidance is a normal human response. But when left unchecked, it can quietly dominate our lives. ACT offers a powerful alternative—a way to escape the avoidance trap and into a life of presence, purpose, and psychological flexibility. Instead of asking, “How do I get rid of this feeling?” ACT invites us to ask, “What kind of life do I want to live, even with this feeling?”
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